Where All the Time Went (open/Ginny)

[Harry James Potter]

Harry had been around Hogwarts for a long time.  He hadn't gone to classes, and had only talked with Dumbledore long enough at the beginning of the year to understand the situation.  Dumbledore had left his actions up to him.  And to avoid his family and the extremely hard urge to suppress to tell them about what the future held for them, and him, he had gone into hiding.  Of course, other people he found had come back to this time as well, but they didn't hide like he had.  It wasn't because he was afraid, but because he didn't want to ruin everything.  He had to get the urge to save his parents out of his system.  The Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map (which hadn't been made in this time, but he had because he had it on him when he came to this time) had helped tremendously with it. 

Now he was in the Trophy Room, during dinner time (he had taken his meals from the Kitchens when he was hungry), looking at the trophies in the room.  It was just like he remembered it back in his time.  Just a tiny bit more empty.  His father hadn't gotten his awards in here yet, but Harry knew he would eventually.  It made him feel more like he was at home.  It was about time he was going to enter the mainstream of Hogwarts, as a third cousin twice removed to his father.  It was a lot easier to convince himself not to meddle in things right now after this past year of observation and information gathering.  In fact, he had spotted Ginny, someone he had noticed himself missing all year, with his father, his mother dating Snape, of all people, Remus dating a younger Tonks than he ever met, and Sirius sneaking off with someone called Stacy Applegate in abandoned classrooms.  With all of the confusion, he had decided to join in classes once more before the finals.  He had actually been to class.  Just in the back with his cloak, and actually had forced himself to do homework, as he hadn't Quidditch to distract himself, and he couldn't let himself fail his 6th year.  And he would check the professor's key afterwards to see if he was right. 

[Ginny Molly Weasley]

Ginny's day had been long. She spent the morning planning a new club she wanted to form, based of Dumbledore's Army, which she planned to call Dueling Club or Fighting Club. The afternoon she spent with James, Remus, and Peter, Sirius was off sneaking around with Stacy, planning the next prank on the Slytherin table. It was nearing the end of semester and it was time to make the Slytherins show a little pride in the other houses. Each year had a different house to represent. First and fourth years were Gryffindors, second and fifth years were Ravenclaw, and third, sixth, and seventh years were Hufflepuff. She was exhausted, but she had promised James she would look in the trophy room to see if they had put one up for him yet. Though she had told him nothing of the trophies he would someday have, he was convinced that his Chasing would get him one. She trudged into the trophy room and stopped dead in her tracks. Before her, with his back turned to her, was James... but she had just left James in the kitchen and there was no way he could have beat her here. Not to mention that he had been stuffing his face when she left. That gave only one explanation. "Harry," she said, loud enough to be heard, but still rather quietly. She still had feelings for him, she could feel them hiding just below her love for James. They were so alike, but so different. She knew that sometime she would have to let go of James, no matter how much she loved him, unless Harry managed to defeat Voldemort in this time period. If he did, it wouldn't matter, there would be paradoxes, Harry not being born to Lily and James, but Voldemort would still be dead and nothing would be able to change, or so Ginny convinced herself. There was still a slight hope in her mind that she would end up with James, but she knew that Harry was her soulmate, though he was far from figuring it out and right now, she loved James so much more.

[Harry James Potter]

Harry had been lost in thought seeing the award for Tom Riddle, awarded a couple decades prior, thinking of Voldemort.  The name being honored here, where his parents and all these good people would and were honored, being very wrong to Harry.  He really did hate Voldemort.  He had taken Sirius away; he had taken his parents away; he had taken so many people away.  He wanted to defeat Voldemort, whatever the cost.  Even if it meant dying in the process.  Now he had more time to figure out how to defeat him too, but he hadn't too much time to focus really on it.  Though, this past year he had thought about it, practiced by himself, and observed things. 

When he heard Ginny behind him, he quickly turned around and saw her face.  He had missed her over the past year.  Over the last summer he had grown attached to her, and when she had gone and done her own thing, he had missed her.  That was the start of him viewing her as something other than Ron's baby sister.  However, his observation over the last year, he had began to see even more of her, as he did spy on his father and the other Marauders, including Lily and... Snape.  Unfortunately, watching his mother meant he had to see Snape. 

"Ginny," Harry replied softly, but audible, just as she had.  He hesitated, before taking a step forward, then slowly pacing himself walking up to her, before he wrapped his arms around her, happy to be able to contact her, after his last torturous year he placed upon himself, not allowing himself to talk to his family.  That showed that he had self-control and could trust himself.  And it had given him a lot of time to think, if not doing the homework he willed himself to do. 

Though, he really, really missed talking with other people, other than Dumbledore (whom he had taken some private lessons with this last year, as Dumbledore was going to do them anyways, and at his request Dumbledore had given him private lessons, albeit not the ones he was sure Dumbledore was going to give him as Dumbledore hadn't known what he was going to teach him, but he was clever and had done some really nice training and teaching about Voldemort) and Quidditch too, but mostly the people contact with those his own age. 

He let go of Ginny, before he smiled slightly.  "Sorry," Harry said, not finding any other words to say right now.  He knew it was a lousy way to start, after avoiding her, and everyone else, but her as well, the whole year.  Even with all the time he had to let things sit in his own head, he hadn't thought about what to say to her when he finally allowed himself to talk with Ginny. 

[Ginny Molly Weasley]

Ginny smiled when Harry hugged her, she had missed him a lot more than she thought she had. His hug flashed her back to all the times she had spent with Harry. From the first day she saw him, not knowing who he was, to him arriving in her house just before her first day of Hogwarts, to the time he rescued her from the Chamber of Secrets, to the time they first played quidditch together, to the time that they had their first kiss, only kiss, really. She had missed him and all their memories so much, she still loved him, he was so much more mature than James and he always always thought of others first whereas James was still the center of his own world. They each had things that she loved about them and it would make her end choice over them really hard to make. For now, however, she was just glad to see him again. It had been nearly a year since they had kissed and he had run off and the two sent back in time. He seemed to be hiding from the world, no one knew him or know of him. It was as if he was a ghost. She, of course, knew that he was simply hiding in his cloak, but still, she wished she could see him. Harry was another person connecting her to home, just like Remus, and she wanted to have that connection. After he pulled away Ginny sighed and pulled him in for her own bone crushing hug. "Don't apologize, Harry, I missed you too."

[Harry James Potter]

Harry was expecting a fiery reaction and perhaps a slap across the face, but it was something he really did like about her.  She understood him, or at least did try her best to understand him, even if he didn't make any sense, even to him.  It was nice to have people understand him, as Ron and Hermione usually could.  Though he didn't doubt that she was upset about him being gone for so long, he was glad that she did miss him as he had missed her.  Harry missed everyone, including... Malfoy.  No matter how much he would deny it.  Anyone to really talk to was nice, and he had finally decided to come out, and join school just before the very end of the year.  He really hoped that his classes would really make it so he could pass the finals coming up.  Otherwise, he'd have to stay another year... actually.  That didn't sound half bad...  Then he could stay in Hogwarts a little bit longer with his family and Ginny and Luna, and everyone else younger than him.  But that wasn't going to be an option right now.

Now, the thing was right now, could he defeat Voldemort now, and things be peachy in the future?  He wasn't sure.  Any future without Voldemort could be a good one.  Right?  But then things could happen that were not good.  Other evil people that wouldn't make the same mistakes, Bellatrix for instance, controlling the Death Eaters... that was just a tiny bit more scary than Voldemort leading them.  So, things would be unknown about the future.  He wasn't the surest person on it right now, but he had decided to let his parents and the Marauders go on like they were, not tell them now, and when the time came, make his decision then.  And if he weren't to stay there for long enough, this time, he had a letter that he had hidden away, and would hide in a place they could find it, if he had the time to give them it, or hide it where he knew they'd find it, before he left. 

When Ginny pulled him back into the hug, Harry couldn't help but smile.  "I missed you too, Ginny," Harry replied, returning the hug, though not with so much bone crushing force behind it, "I-I just thought you might be mad..."

[Ginny Molly Weasley]

Ginny pulled back and smacked him lightly on the cheek, "of course I'm mad, Harry James Potter!" she snapped, though quietly so no one else would hear his name and suspect too close a connection with James. "But I missed you too and that comes first." She shook her head slightly, "you disappeared for a year, of course I'm mad, but I've missed you so much and I wasn't going to ruin the first chance I had to hug one of my best friends with being mad." She stepped back and looked at Harry, really really looked at him. It was surprising how closely he and James resembled each other. Once Harry joined the classes everyone would be convinced that he was James's two-year-older brother. But his eyes were so much different, an emerald green instead of the hazel she had recently fallen for. "I just hope you're not mad for... you know... me and James," her voice was quiet, she really was afraid that he'd be upset about it. After all, he had almost decided before they left that he wanted to date her, but then he disappeared and she fell for James. She was so confused, she loved them both so much.
She looked at him again and noticed something, a slight glint at the corner of his eye. It was something that would be completely undetectable by anyone who didn't know him as well as she did. Only Hermione would have caught it if she had been there. "You can't tell them, Harry." She figured out what it meant, he wanted to warn his parents, someway, about Voldemort. "James already knows he dies, but he doesn't know when or how or why and you can't tell him or Lily. If they weren't killed, you would have been, or you would have grown up a completely different person and we may never have become friends and Neville might become the chosen one and it would change everything. You just can't do it. I know you want to tell them, I can see it in your eyes, but you can't. I want to tell them as much as you. I love James and thinking about him being killed and me being able to stop it makes my heart leap, but I can't and you can't. It's a fixed point in history, if you change it, everything would mess up. Us being here is enough to screw with the fabric of time, Snape and Lily are dating, Remus may be dating young Tonks, everything is wrong and it could mess everything up without changing something as big as the death of the Potters and the boy-who-lived. Please, Harry, don't tell them..." she hated saying this to him, especially when she wanted to tell them as much as he. In part because she loved James, but also because she loved Harry and she hated him feeling like his parents died for him and that he never got to meet them and love them.

[Harry James Potter]

He was upset about her and her father.  But it wasn't truly being angry about her and his father.  Sure, he found it really weird, and was upset about it.  Actually, he was quite upset about it actually.  Not angry at her though.  He was angry at himself.  Harry was happy that she was happy, but wanted to curse himself endlessly for letting it all happen while he stood back and hid the entire time.  If he hadn't, perhaps it would be him who was dating her.  After Cho last year, he hadn't had a crush on anyone besides Ginny.  And he wanted someone in a romantic way, but his logic of, Voldemort comes first, had prevented it.  He cared very much for Ginny, and was going to make her the exception.  But now she was taken, by his father, no less, and he couldn't make her not love him.  Harry wanted her to not love her father, but, it made her happy, so he did want her to love him.  It was all so confusing to him right now, but it wasn't her he was angry at. 

"Well, good.  I'd think you were mad if you weren't angry at me some," Harry commented.  Of course, anyone would, even Ginny, but it was the fact she could understand him, know what he was thinking that made him really like her so much.  "I'm not angry at you, Ginny.  My father... makes you happy, and so, I'm happy for you.  It's just... weird thinking about you and my father... together."  At least right now.  She knew that it would have to end, and then Harry might... just might have his chance if he hadn't already lost his chance. 

"I want to tell them," Harry confirmed quietly, "Things are already messed up.  If I can defeat Voldemort in this time, then... there would be no need for them to die.  Or if they knew, then they could not change their Secret Keeper... I mean... A world without Voldemort could only be a better one, right?"  Even after a year, he wasn't quite sure.  Perhaps what he really needed was someone to talk to, not solitude to prevent himself from acting rashly, as he did with Sirius and various other times, where things didn't turn out well.  That didn't mean he wasn't going to do rash things, of course not, that was just built into him, but he wanted to prevent himself from acting rash and spilling everything to those he cared very much about. 

[Ginny Molly Weasley]

Ginny chuckled, “of course I’d be crazy if I wasn’t a little upset, you stopped talking to me for a year! Friends don’t do that, but I guess, I can’t be too mad. It was hard coming back in time and I guess it would have been harder on you than it was on me.” She lost herself in thought again, to the first time she really saw anyone she knew or knew of in this time period. Seeing James and Sirius and Remus young again was an experience, then becoming pranksters on each other, and then later friends. It was all so hard to handle, but she found comfort and happiness in it eventually. “I just wish you had talked to me or written to me or something! It would have been better if I didn’t know you were here than to know you were and that you were ignoring me.” In a way, that was why she had drifted to James. She didn’t have Harry anymore and James kinda filled the emptiness in her heart while Harry was gone. “I’m glad you’re not angry, I know it must be weird for you.” She could only imagine if Harry were to fall for her mother at a young age… it was something she didn’t want to think about. Someday, she thought, I’ll have to give him up, and I’ll have you, if you’ll still have me. She didn’t say it aloud because she’d hate to get either of their hopes up yet, or her hopes down, she was still unsure exactly what she wanted. “And I know, Harry, I want to tell them too, but you can’t. You’ll be a completely different person, even if you kill Voldemort now and save them. You’ll have grown up a different person and we may never have met and who knows what would have happened. It might be better, but it might be a thousand times worse.” She was afraid that she was right but she was afraid that she was wrong. Wouldn’t it be great if they could live and raise Harry themselves? Maybe she and him would still meet and they’d still be friends, but maybe not… She shook her head, “You just can’t tell them.”

[Harry James Potter]

"My parents are alive. Sirius is alive. All my life I wanted my parents to come back, to sweep me away from my aunt and uncle's place, and now here they are. And Sirius, he just... died. I couldn't save him, and it was all my fault he died. The temptation... to save the ones you love from such a terrible fate... it was too much," Harry explained, "And since I know I can be rash occasionally, I knew I couldn't trust myself by just thrusting myself into the school system with them... so I disappeared to keep the rash temptation at bay." He had even written out this explanation and practiced it over the year, sometimes in front of a mirror to keep himself going on this little disappearance of his. He nearly just went out and told his parents and Sirius and Remus and Peter what was going to happen, but he had convinced himself not to. "I'm sorry... you were just with the Marauders and Mum, and when I saw you with them, you seemed so much happier without me. How you look at... Dad, it... scared me away, I suppose. Not much a brave soul, I guess. I didn't want to intervene and interrupt how happy you seem."

"Very weird... It's like... knowing someone, and then realizing they could've been your mum if things hadn't gone wrong. But you cared for that someone differently than a mum," Harry said with a soft chuckle just thinking of how odd it seemed. He cared for Ginny a lot, starting out as sisterly love, but growing into something different. She was one of his best friends, and she was with his father. If she weren't from the future, she could have become his mum. That was just really odd to think about.

"Maybe I don't care for the person I've grown into. I killed Sirius. I let Peter escape. I insisted that Cedric and I take the cup at the same time, in effect, killing him. I gave my blood to Voldemort and he was resurrected. I hurt those I've cared about. Remus went after me that night that he forgot his potion and Snape let it slip that he was a werewolf. If I was a different person, none of that would have happened. They'd all be still alive, Remus still a professor, Moody never locked in that trunk to get me to the graveyard. If I grew up with my parents, if Voldemort was defeated before he could kill them, it would be like the world that you grew up in before Hogwarts, a peaceful one. Death Eaters locked up, Voldemort gone, and peace restored. You lived in a world without Voldemort. It was thousands times better than it was with him back," Harry explained. He had argued about this in his head over the past year, so he had thought about it a lot, maybe more than he should have. Before his thoughts were a confused bundle of arguments that kept him at bay, and now it was a whole list of good arguments organized, and countering each other so no decision could seem to be reached.

[Ginny Molly Weasley]

“I know, Harry, I know... I want them safe too, but we can’t. Dumbledore told us not to mess with the past too much, I’ve already done my part to screw it up and that’s bad enough, you can’t do something that drastic!! Killing Voldemort now is one thing, maybe the world will be better and things will work out alright, but telling them while he’s in power won’t work. You might die rather than your parents or live your whole life in hiding or something even worse.” She hated being right in things like this, but she knew she was right. Trying to kill Voldemort was a great idea, but telling James and Lily that they were going to die, and exactly when it was going to happen just couldn’t be good.
“Just because I’m happy with James doesn’t mean that I don’t want my friend back!! Harry you’ve been my friend for four or five years now. You saved my life and my brother’s several times over and I owe you so much. You’re one of my best friends… I felt like you arrived some time before me to this world and decided that you wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I was heartbroken… James is what changed that. We started pranking each other and becoming friends and then… this happened. And I know it’s weird, but I won’t be with him forever, I don’t think it’s really possible, but I’ve learned so much from him and I do love him. Sorry it’s weird for you,” she really did feel bad about that. Harry suffered enough, he didn’t need more.
Ginny glared and Harry and slapped him in the face, leaving a pale pink mark on his cheek. “You did NOT kill Sirius, nor Cedric! Peter would have escaped regardless and took your blood by force! Remus may never have gotten that job if not for you destroying Voldemort as a kid and the position’s cursed, he wouldn’t have lasted more than a year anyway! And Voldemort would have lived on if not for you so I would have grown up in a time of war, worse than it is now because he’s still rising back to power whereas then he was at full power!!” She huffed really loudly. “The world doesn’t revolve around you and you don’t cause everything to happen! Voldemort being killed now would be wonderful, and we can sure as hell try but I will NOT stand here while you mope about things that AREN’T YOUR FAULT!” She turned around and took a deep breath, trying to quell the Weasley tempter… she was starting to sound too much like her mother. “I don’t care what you think right now, Harry, you are the best person I know. No one else tries so hard to protect the ones he cares about. No one cares so much about everyone else and worries so little about himself! Yes, some people have suffered because of mistakes of yours, but hundreds more have been saved because of you! I know you love them, but they’re a small price to pay for what we’ve gotten in return.”

[Harry James Potter]

Harry bit his lower lip and watched her with his almond shaped green eyes, with a look that said that he was afraid, a look he didn't really wear often.  "I know," Harry said studying her, "I know that.  But I also know I love them.  I want them back.  That's why I had to disappear, to get away from the temptation... to clear up my mind about what I am going to do... Even now I have no clue what to do... But I can control myself, for sure right now."  Harry had also come to the conclusion that things were going so differently that they might not even die.  If nothing else, he would work to save his parents without telling them... if nothing else.  And the way to do that was to destroy Voldemort here and now before everything were to happen.  And he was planning on doing just that.  He wasn't even sure if he would return to Hogwarts.  "I'm going to defeat Voldemort as soon as I can, no matter what."  Even if he meant him dying in the process.  His fight wouldn't end just because he was transported into the past.  In fact, in his meetings with Dumbledore, he learned some about Tom Riddle, though Dumbledore had not pieced everything together yet, and Harry just had to do it.  From the information presented it was dark magic, which kept him alive due to other parts of something in him split from him.  Probably seven, due to Dumbledore's theory that he was obsessed with the powerful number of 7.

"Ginny," Harry said softly with a small smile, though he looked at her quite seriously, "I'm not going to be around next year."  He might as well inform her.  He was going to be in his 7th year, but time was running out to defeat Voldemort in before he would lose his parents forever.  As he had said, if nothing else, he would try to defeat Voldemort before his parents would die.  He wouldn't stop until Voldemort was defeated, and perhaps it would be just fine, and he would grow up with his parents, without having to worry about Voldemort ever again.  That would be great. 

Damn.  That hurt.  Harry covered the spot she slapped, rubbing it, trying to get the pain to go away quickly.  He was surprised, and it did anger him just a bit, but she was so upset, he tried to dull down the anger at being slapped, and keep calm, though she didn't seem to understand how it WAS all his fault.  "I could have forced Cedric to go back to the cup.  I tried to tell him to go back, I could have made him.  Delayed his return a little longer, and still have Cedric.  Sirius wouldn't have died if I had gotten ahold of Occlumency, but no, I always thought it was a waste of time, and that I could never get it right, so I gave up.  Remus was discovered, not necessarily the job lost, but discovered by everyone, because I was an idiot.  If I weren't such an idiot sometimes, then none of it would have happened, Ginny.  If I had just made Cedric go back, he'd be alive.  If I hadn't given up on Occlumency, Sirius would be alive.  If I hadn't distracted Remus that night, then he wouldn't have forgotten his potion and he wouldn't have been discovered.  All me Ginny, because I act like an idiot.  It's because I care that I cannot trust myself, because trusting in my own actions has killed people around me." 

[Ginny Molly Weasley]

Ginny sighed, “I’ll help you get rid of Voldemort, but I’m not going to let you hide anymore and I’m not going to let you warn them… it’s not safe.” She hated seeing him like this, internally struggling to come up with what was right. Not to mention the look she saw in his eyes when he spoke… he wasn’t expecting to come back after defeating Voldemort. Somehow, he had decided that he could not live if he were to face off with Voldemort and she was afraid he might be right. Hopefully, the information Dumbledore gave Harry would help them defeat him, without losing Harry in the process.
“Then I’m going with you. Ron and Hermione aren’t here to keep an eye on you and to help you, so it has to be me. Don’t try to talk me out of it, don’t say that I’ll only be a sixth year or that I’ll be underage because none of that matters. You know that Hermione and Ron would have come with you. Hermione would have everything packed a month or two in advance, Ron would be stupid but in the end the three of you would accomplish exactly what you needed to.” She could imagine it. Ron would get angry, possibly run off, because it wasn’t what he thought it would be. She knew that it couldn’t happen anymore, but she needed to make sure something happened regardless. “Without someone there helping you something bad is going to happen, you know it’s true. You always work best with a team behind you, sometimes they get hurt, but they all know the possible consequences. Cedric knew before entering the tournament that it was dangerous. He was killed because Voldemort is pure evil. Not because of you. Cedric almost won without your help, he would’ve died regardless. And if not Voldemort, it would have been Krum under imperius. It was NOT your fault. Occlumency isn’t for everyone, Dumbledore knew you wouldn’t master it, he just wanted you to try. Sirius died saving the only person he cares about more than himself and James and Lily will thank him for eternity up there. Snape knew that Remus was a werewolf before you proved it, he would have revealed it regardless, it had nothing to do with you, but as a punishment for their school days. Everyone that helps you or watches out for you is doing it because they love you or because Dumbledore asked them to. They know the consequences, the know the risks, and they do it anyway. Don’t blame yourself because that’s not helping anyone, especially not you.”

[Harry James Potter]

Harry sighed when she said she would not let him tell them, no matter what happened. At least there was that now. Something completely set in stone. He couldn't tell them. He wouldn't, because it would make Ginny very angry at him. It could change the future for the worse. It just depended on if they could defeat Voldemort before he could be killed by... him in the future.

"No," Harry said quickly, pausing, watching her beautiful blue eyes, "I can't let you. It's too dangerous. Ron and Hermione... it's different with them. They're like siblings to me. But you... Ginny... you're just different, alright?" There was a difference between letting her come and letting Ron and Hermione come with him. This was different, anyways. He had to go alone. It could only be him this time around. Even if he needed someone with him. This was completely out of the question. "Plus, you have Da-... James." Harry did care for Ginny so much, seeing her happy with James Potter made him happy too, because she was happy, and that's all he wanted. If she came with him, there couldn't be much contact with the Marauders, though some would be permitted, just not too much.

"I'll visit, I promise, Ginny, but you can't come. I-I still need to find out what exactly keeps him alive. And the only way to do that is..." Harry trailed off, looking away back at the trophy he had been inspecting before she arrived. He wasn't sure if he could bring himself to tell her. It was such a big thing, and he would have to burn some bridges, even if it hurt, to some of his friends. Which might mean her too. But he couldn't leave without telling her, without letting her know he still cared about her and that no matter what happened, he would always consider him someone he cared very dearly about.

[Ginny Molly Weasley]

Ginny scowled, “why won’t everyone just stop trying to protect me! I’m not a little girl anymore, Harry, I don’t need protection!” She hated it. Everyone thought she was helpless and needed protection. Ron, Harry, her mother, everyone. Her bat-boogey hex was so strong it could break through a shield spell, she was one of the first to master the patronus charm in DA, she was a great witch. “I know you care about me, but I’m not going to let you do this alone! I know I have James, but he has Lily… or he will, anyway, and he’ll be fine without me. You won’t. And I’ll still be able to see him sometimes, I just can’t tell him exactly what I’m doing, only that it’s helping the Order.” She sighed to herself, knowing that this would be quite the argument with him, but she had to convince him. Every time Harry did something by himself he got hurt. He needed people to be with there, at least until they couldn’t anymore, and he wasn’t to that point yet. “I don’t care what you’re doing or where you’re going, I’m going to help. I love James, but I care about you to, and anyway, you’re his son, if I didn’t help you now and he found out sometime in the future, he’d never forgive me. He hasn’t met you yet, but from what I’ve seen, he’ll love you dearly when your born. I couldn’t let you risk your life without my help, especially not using him as my excuse to stay.”

[Harry James Potter]

Harry kept looking away from her for now at least. He knew she was angry at him, and it wouldn't help him trying to convince her to stay, but he felt he needed to do so. He knew she could protect herself, but it didn't matter. What if something happened she couldn't control? What if he lost her as well? He wouldn't ever be able to forgive himself if something happened to her, and he couldn't protect her.

"It's not that you can't protect yourself, I know you can. I saw you last year in Dumbledore's Army. You can protect yourself, but this is Voldemort we're talking about. Dumbledore's the only one he might possibly lose to in combat against. If any little things goes wrong..." Harry trailed off again, before he just continued on, trying not to picture Ginny's dead body, "I don't want to lose you too, Ginny."

Harry finally turned back towards her, and reached out to hold one of her hands, trying to reassure her, and himself about it all. He knew that alone he was almost certainly going to die, but it was too risky to bring her. But... he wanted to see her more often than his visits. It was probably just some sort of jealousy and selfishness he had in him, so he tried to push the selfishness away.

"I'm going to join Voldemort's side, Ginny. A... spy of sorts," Harry explained, finding the courage, which he normally had plenty of, just not right now, to tell her, "Dumbledore's been prepping a position as a spy for a long while with Voldemort... Peter was originally going to take that position a year or two from now. Ginny, I'm going to try to get closer to him, find out what is keeping him alive, even after..." Harry took his free hand rubbing his forehead where his scar was, "He came after me."

Harry truly cared for Ginny, a lot. A lot more than he'd ever admit, at least at the moment. And her being with his father really did make things a lot harder for him than he let on. These feelings had grown over this past year, missing her presence so much, wanting to come up to her and tell her what he was thinking on the inside. He hadn't always had these feelings, that was obvious. He had a crush on Cho at one point, but that was gone now, very far gone. So far gone he didn't really ever think about what he had felt for her before. Maybe, Ginny would become like that eventually, but right now it really felt stronger. It was like Cho was dating Cedric's father, or something. But even still, no matter the selfish feelings he felt he was feeling, such as jealousy, he didn't think she could come. It would just reinforce that selfish want to have her near him, and make them stronger. At least, that was what he believed would happen.

"Ginny, if you were to come... you'd... have to make him believe that you were truly against the Order," Harry said quite seriously, his green meeting her blue, "If... he were not to believe you... I... might not be able to do anything to help you. I don't want to lose anyone else, especially not you."